JA quotes and intro

"I should infinitely prefer a book." -- Chapter 39, Pride and Prejudice
"...I wish my collection were larger for your benefit and my own credit..." -- Chapter 8, Pride and Prejudice
"I shall be glad to have the library to myself as soon as may be." -- Chapter 20, Pride and Prejudice

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Friday, July 30, 2021

Deliberation and Doubt, Chapter 10

The unwelcome sound of Mr. Collins's voice startled Elizabeth, and she spun out of Darcy's embrace. She stayed close and wrapped her arm around her lover's as sights and sounds intruded. She paid only scant attention to Lydia and Kitty's laughter and Mary's frowns. Jane's questioning look she sought to ease with her own smiles, but she was not as effective as she wished. She knew full well her happiness eclipsed any mortification, whether that fact showed on her face or not. Before she could say a word to allay Jane's concern, Darcy spoke.

“Good morning, Mrs. Bennet,” he said, “and good morning to you, Miss Bennet, Miss Mary, Miss Catherine, and Miss Lydia.” He bowed to them all, including Mr. Collins. “I begged Miss Elizabeth to let me join you this morning. Oh!” He turned to Jane. “Before I forget, I was charged by Mr. Bingley to convey his deepest regards to you in particular, Miss Bennet, and to your entire family as well. He is likely travelling to town as we speak. I believe he will return on—”

“Saturday,” Jane said before Darcy could finish his sentence. Her face suffused with a delicate blush. “I apologise for interrupting you.”

“Not at all. Saturday is correct,” he replied with a gracious smile. “Now, I must have a word with Mr. Bennet, if he is available.”

“But—but Mr. Darcy!” said Mr. Collins, red-faced and flustered. “You cannot—My cousin—How could—Lady Catherine will be—What will Lady Catherine say? This must be Cousin Elizabeth's fault!” He glared at her and appeared torn between approaching Mr. Darcy to admonish him further and maintaining a respectful distance in honour of his consequence and his connection to Lady Catherine.

“I believe I have grasped the nature of your business, Mr. Darcy,” said Mr. Bennet. Elizabeth had not noticed her father's library door open.

“Good morning, sir,” Mr. Darcy said, turning to face him.

“Yes, well,” Papa began, only to be interrupted by his cousin.

“My dear cousin, you simply cannot allow this match to proceed! It is not sanctioned by Lady Catherine de Bourgh!”

“And what has Lady Catherine to do with whom my daughter marries?”

“Oh! Nothing at all! It is her nephew's marriage in which she must have her say, though I do not doubt my dear cousin would also benefit from her ladyship's sage advice on the matter! In fact, it is my intention to introduce Cousin Elizabeth to her ladyship as soon as possible, for you must know that—my attentions have been too marked to be—”

“Now, Mr. Collins,” interjected Mrs. Bennet, “I tried to spare you this, but you would leave the breakfast table! When I stepped out intending to discover what was keeping Lizzy, I saw her here and could easily tell what she was about. I had no idea of anything of the kind between them until that moment, you understand, or I never would have....Oh, my! But I came back immediately to spare your feelings! I tried my best, did not I, girls?”

My feelings?” said an ever more agitated Mr. Collins. “Lady Catherine's feelings are the matter for concern!”

“Sir,” said Papa quietly to Mr. Darcy, “I will speak with you shortly. Right now I want to talk to Lizzy.”

Elizabeth looked at her father and then at Darcy, who nodded and smiled, and she slipped into her father's library. She heard Darcy addressing Mr. Collins as the door closed.

“Lizzy,” Papa said, “what do you mean by accepting this man? I can see you do not hate him any longer, but I would swear you did when you woke this morning!”

“I would not say I hated him this morning when I woke.”

“Yesterday morning, then!”

“Fair enough.”

“Do not be tiresome, Lizzy! Explain yourself.”

Elizabeth took a seat but then jumped right back up and began to pace. Her father looked worried now instead of annoyed, so she stood still and smiled at him, which only seemed to increase his worry.

“You have not had a sudden desire to be rich? I know the man danced with you last night. Did you decide to make something of his unlooked-for interest? I have never considered you a mercenary girl.”

“I am glad you have not.”

“Then tell me what this is about!”

He had used that quiet, insistent voice that was almost worse than shouting. Elizabeth looked with compassion at him. Poor Papa! He had expected this outcome no more than she had, and she ought to help reconcile him to it as quickly as she could.

“I will do my best to make you understand. I am not certain I understand it all myself, but I am certain I want to marry Mr. Darcy.” She really was certain of that. She sat down again and waited until her father did likewise.

“And it has nothing to do with pin money and carriages?”

“No.” She shifted in her chair. She was convinced that she was making the right choice: not necessarily an easy choice, but the right one. She thought a moment. “I guess you could say we have misread each other from almost the beginning of our acquaintance.” It had not been easy to own up to her mistakes, but she was the better for it. She was certainly happier for it.

“What mystery has there been in his behaviour? We could all see that he is proud and disagreeable.”

“He was not proud and disagreeable just now!” He had not been too proud to behave civilly, even amiably, towards her family. She knew it was not reasonable of her to expect her father to disregard Mr. Darcy's previous attitude towards the people of Meryton in general and his family in particular, but she found herself short of patience with him nonetheless. She was happy; could that not be sufficient? “The man outside your library is quite pleasant and spoke prettily to my mother and sisters.”

Her father did not appear impressed. For a moment he just looked at her, and then he said, “You barely know him.”

She had to stop herself from saying, 'I know him better than you think.' It would not do to give her father the wrong idea. She took another approach. “If Mr. Bingley were to call on you today and ask for Jane's hand,” she asked, “would you deny him?”

“No.”

“Jane has not known Mr. Bingley any longer than I have known Mr. Darcy, and she has hardly spent more time in Mr. Bingley's company than I have spent in his friend's.”

“I dare say Jane and her Mr. Bingley have not spent their time misunderstanding and insulting each other,” her father pointed out, raising a brow in enquiry. “I find it hard to imagine you have not repaid Mr. Darcy for that injudicious remark at the assembly.”

“Oh, I have. Twice I refused to dance with him.”

Her father seemed to soften at that. He even looked amused. “And the man kept asking.”

“Yes. I was a blind fool.” She shook her head. “Last night I flaunted my foolishness by spending the first dance refusing to speak to him and the second questioning and accusing him. It was awful. Do not laugh, Papa!”

Her chuckling father paid her no heed.

She smiled reluctantly. “I admit to being ridiculous. It was that horrid conversation, however, that led to our present understanding. Mr. Darcy discovered that I did not like him. He had not realised it until then, if you believe it. For my part, I discovered that an old acquaintance of his had spread lies about him and that what I had assumed was mutual dislike was not mutual after all.”

“An old acquaintance? I do not imagine anyone bearing the name of Bingley has said anything derogatory about the man.” His eyes suddenly brightened. “Is it the new officer from the north I have heard you and your sisters giggle and sigh over? I admit to rarely listening to Lydia, but she was quite voluble last week when you all came back from your aunt's. She raved about a certain soldier's looks and then complained that he made several mentions of Mr. Darcy, of all people, during a game of lottery tickets! I remember being surprised even a redcoat could draw Lydia's attention away from lottery tickets, so fond is she of that game.”

“Yes, Mr. Wickham is the man. He is the son of the late Mr. Darcy's steward and something of a ne'er-do-well.”

“So Mr. Darcy has gone from being your enemy to being the man you want to marry! That is a great deal to sort out during a pair of dances—or a single dance, if you refused to talk to him for the first one. How did you manage to settle it all? I know he did not ask you to dance a second time. Your mother would not have kept silent about that. Neither did you appear to be friendly when we left the ball.”

Elizabeth did not wish him to know about the letter, so she did not answer immediately.

Her father looked squarely at her. “Now I may seem an old man to you girls, but I know what manner of sounds I heard outside my library door. Please tell me a few kisses have not turned your head and caused you to throw away your good sense.”

Her shoulders drooped.

She told him as much about the letter as she dared without revealing any specifics regarding Miss Darcy. Her father looked none too pleased, and from his few remarks, she gathered he was less disturbed by the contents of the letter than by the fact that she had received it at all. She waited a moment for his brow to relax and for him to dismiss or make a joke of it, as was his wont with disagreeable things, but he continued to frown at her. It occurred to her that he might suspect her of withholding something from him. If so, did he believe it to be more than it was? Did he perhaps think she had gone further than she ought, further than morality, and not just prudence, dictated? The thought was painful.

“I hope you know me well enough, Papa,” she said unhappily, “not to believe the current state of affairs between Mr. Darcy and myself was built on a foundation consisting solely of improprieties!” She tried to smile despite her consternation, but her father's expression did not change, and that dampened her spirits. She turned from him and said no more.

Elizabeth had not expected to be sat in her father's library this morning, at odds with him over a marriage proposal from Mr. Darcy, of all people! The threat of Mr. Collins's addresses had been nothing to this. Mr. Darcy was no Mr. Collins, whose sole attraction was being heir to Longbourn. If she wished to marry him, especially after having detested him, why could Papa not trust that she must have very good reasons?

She could only guess that her father did not appreciate having to adjust his ideas to these new circumstances. He was, in truth, likely to grant Mr. Darcy anything he should ask, but he appeared to be annoyed because Elizabeth would not spare him the bother.

Jane would never have faced this sort of enquiry or disapprobation over a suitor. Even if there had been any number of letters—or kisses, for that matter—her father would have questioned nothing of consequence. Jane, however, was unlikely to go from hating a man to loving him; she would begin and end thinking well of any man she wished to marry. That would make an application for her hand blessedly uncomplicated.

Elizabeth thought about Mr. Darcy. There seemed little uncomplicated about that man or about her acquaintance with him.

Just as she was considering whether to say something in Mr. Darcy's defence, as defending her own behaviour had accomplished nothing, her mother burst into the room. “Mr. Bennet, you must come quickly! There is such a to-do! Your cousin looks as red as a tomato, and he insists Mr. Darcy is engaged to Lady Catherine's daughter!”

“What is this?” Mr. Bennet said, looking at his wife with interest.

Papa must believe he has found a way round this matter, Elizabeth thought. It would be best for him to be disabused of that notion without delay. “Mama, there is no engagement between Mr. Darcy and his cousin.” She smiled at a sudden thought. “Do you recall last night at supper, when you spoke to Lady Lucas about my marrying Mr. Collins, as if it were a settled thing?”

“Oh, that!” said Mrs. Bennet, catching her meaning with gratifying quickness. “No, no. I see. I see! Never mind that now.”

“Exactly, Mama. Mr. Collins speaks only of Lady Catherine's preferences, and no more. Mr. Darcy has already told me of it. His aunt will not be pleased, but that cannot be helped.”

“I suppose not, but Mr. Collins is so angry, going on and on about his patroness's disappointment! He was even a little rude when I begged him to finish his breakfast and let Mr. Darcy be.”

“I ought to go and rescue Fitzwilliam,” Elizabeth said, imagining he must be quite weary of Mr. Collins's impertinence. Rising from her chair, she looked up and saw mild surprise fading into resignation on her father's face. Her mother's face was a picture of almost girlish excitement.

It was time to leave this room. “Come with me. Mama,” Elizabeth said, taking her mother's arm. She determined to enjoy this rare moment of accord between them. “If Mr. Collins will not relent, we can remind him that the choice is Mr. Darcy's, and he prefers to have you for a mother-in-law rather than Lady Catherine.”


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Saturday, July 3, 2021

Deliberation and Doubt, Chapter 9

Darcy kept pace with Elizabeth and pondered the delicate place they had reached in their acquaintance.

Their walk had begun beautifully. They had engaged in pleasant banter, and when they had lapsed into silence, there were still glances and blushes and smiles. Seeing her smile directed at him so frequently was almost as good as having her kisses. Had things gone a bit further—had she reached out for him, touched him—he might have kissed her again.

Then something went awry.

It had taken him two steps to realise she was no longer at his side. He had been speaking of her family at her instigation. He had kept his strictures to a minimum, and for his pains she had accused him of not being gentleman-like! The words had stung him.

He was every inch the gentleman! That was how they had come to be walking to Longbourn together this morning. He had determined that she should be undeceived regarding Wickham. Upon finding himself alone with her, he had exercised great restraint and only proceeded with such displays of affection that she did not object to or that she actually encouraged. Indeed, there had been no want of encouragement!

For all that, he had not swept her up in his arms, put her atop his horse, and ridden off with her to the next town. Nor had he coaxed her away from the path to some secluded place for the purpose of enticing favours from her. He knew more than a few men who would have done the latter without a second thought and maybe even a few who might have risked a kidnapping charge for the former, but he was not that sort of man.

Yet his admission, however succinct, that he had had the reasonable scruples of a reasoning man had somehow drawn her censure.

He squeezed the bridge of his nose. Was he really congratulating himself for not behaving like a villain, for not being an unprincipled ass, simply because he resented the fact that a single remark of his had been judged and found wanting?

Only Elizabeth could affect him this way.

This was the conundrum that was Elizabeth. She attracted him, frustrated him, confused him, surprised him, and sometimes angered him. She inspired, amused, and delighted him.

She moved him.

He could not remember not being interested in her, even when he had thought he was not interested in her. He had kept looking at her until he had wanted to keep looking—until he had wanted her to look back.

Now she was looking back, and it would be the height of foolishness for him to ruin everything in the heat of the moment. He had said enough to achieve an uneasy truce, but he would do well to come up with something better before they reached her home. He would not like her to bid him goodbye at the door with nary a backward glance.

Oh, but he was piqued! He had been hard-pressed to keep the irritation out of his voice, and there had been an edge to his words. Elizabeth had not left his side, however, and she had not tried to rush him along. He was glad of that. He needed this last stretch of the walk to Longbourn to be a slow and thoughtful journey.

He tried to use the time well. He thought of the content of his remark and sought to understand why Elizabeth had taken exception to it. Were not his feelings about the relative stations of the Bennets and his own family, not to mention the behaviour of some of the Bennets, natural and just?

Bingley would say he was being too fastidious, but Bingley was always saying that.

His earlier thoughts about Lady Catherine's behaviour came back to him. He was suddenly dissatisfied with how easily he had forgotten those musings. Had he dismissed them from his mind because he depended on the distance between Pemberley and Longbourn to keep him from having to reconcile himself to the unpleasant aspects of the match?

He considered his parents, education, and inheritance. He had a heritage to make a man proud, and apparently it had made him proud, but did his position in the world really require him to think meanly of others not similarly blessed? He had taken for granted that it did. Now he began to doubt the rightness and even the practicality of doing so.

He glanced at the woman next to him.

She had her pride too, he realised.

Could he not begin, at least where it most mattered, to take people as he found them and to disregard those foibles he was apt to overlook in others when they were gilded with wealth and consequence?

It would be a challenge, but Darcy was not put off by challenges.

His happiness was bound up in Elizabeth Bennet. There was no doubt on that score, but how was Elizabeth to know she could trust her happiness to his care if she feared he might forever reproach her for circumstances beyond her control? Why would she dare trust him with her heart if she could not trust him to tolerate, for her sake, the people she loved?

His eyes were appraising the old, dignified façade of Longbourn House and admiring the prettiness of the grounds when he had an idea.

Elizabeth was on the point of turning her feet towards the front door. He reached out and gently touched her arm. “Will you direct me to the stables, Miss Bennet?”

She started at that, but he could see no advantage to being anything other than bold now, so he continued.

“Elizabeth,” he said, “I mean to shed all claims to gentleman-like behaviour for the present and invite myself in. If I wish your connections to be mine in future, I ought to have a proper value for them. In pursuit of that, I should like to spend some time with them if I may. You were quite right to chastise me. You would not be the woman I lo—” He stopped, impeded by a wave of embarrassment. He had been fooling himself in refusing to use the word. “I suppose I do love you. It is pointless to deny it. You would not be the woman I am at least beginning to love,” he said, smiling at her surprised face, “if you were afraid to tell me when you think I am in the wrong.”

There was so much emotion in her face that for a moment he thought she might cry again, but then she composed herself and, to his astonishment, grasped his hand.

She led him to the stables, and then, when his horse was seen to, she took him into the house. Thereupon followed a flurry of activity during which they separated only of necessity or expedience, and then only briefly. He had not seen much of Longbourn before and certainly did not know his way about the place. It was a whirl: servants' names and faces; inquiries and glances; that lightness in his beloved's voice that sounded like a smile and hovered on the brink of joyous laughter; and throughout, the near-constant touch of her hand in his, At length, she settled him in a well-appointed parlour with a promise to return to him soon.

He did not have long to wait. He stood at her approach and noticed that slight difference in her height that he sometimes did. Looking down, he saw that she had exchanged her half-boots for slippers. She came quite close and said in a low voice, “I had to hide away my precious letter. Come!” She took his hand and led him down the hall to stop before a door. “Oh! You must be hungry. Had you anything to eat before leaving Netherfield?”

He admitted to not having had much of an appetite then but feeling peckish now.

“We shall remedy that, but first, I thought you might wish to speak to my father.”

“Your father?” he said, nonplussed. Then her nod and her smile and the light in her dark eyes cleared away all confusion as to her meaning but not the reasoning behind it. “But you were not ready! You said you wanted time to think.”

“I have been thinking,” she said, that mesmerising mouth twitching on one side during her pause, “and I now think the idea of a little more time to be over-rated.”

He opened his mouth to reply and found himself unable to utter a word. Elizabeth had pressed herself to him and raised her face while lowering his. With a little leap, her lips met his own. It hardly would have been gallant not to assist her and he held her to himself, indulging their mutual wishes, until the enormity of the moment burst upon him. Caressing her face, with the sound of his ragged breath and his pounding heart in his ears, he asked, “You will marry me? That is, will you marry me, Miss Elizabeth Bennet?”

“Yes, I will marry you, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.”

“Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy?!?

The exclamation had not come from his beloved. He lifted his face to discover that they had quite an audience. The youngest two Bennet girls admirably prevented giggles from escaping their mouths while their shoulders shook. Miss Bennet looked as if she could not credit what she saw, but her frown of perplexity and Miss Mary's frown of disapproval were worlds apart. Even Mrs. Bennet was there, looking with something like triumph not at him or Elizabeth, but at her houseguest. As for Mr. Collins, who had cried out his name, that man stood staring at him in horror and indignation.


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